do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
