Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
