i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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