Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
