i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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