In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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