i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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