shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
