Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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