I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize