let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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