How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
