we're blogging at a bar
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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