so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize