I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
