as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize