I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
