Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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