there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
