you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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