So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Girls should come with a carfax report
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How does one acquire holy water?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
