4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
