I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
