Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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