yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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