I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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