when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize