I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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