I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize