"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize