he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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