you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
