I hate all girls vehemently.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
