If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize