WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need a beard to bite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
