oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
