Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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