Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
