You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
