Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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