I could make wine with my vomit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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