On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
