I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
