My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's the barista slut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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