Barsexuality is the new black.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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