that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
