thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize