Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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