i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
