How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
