You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
