if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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