I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
