apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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