I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize