Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
