yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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