My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
