I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
