I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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