I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
