I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's never too late to be topless.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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