you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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