I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize